...till we meet again.

Writing will forever be my therapy. Regardless if anyone reads it, it has and will always be, my savior.
A few days ago Mom asked all of us siblings to write an email to Grandpa since we knew his days on earth were a short one. I personally am one who doesn't care for change; especially when it's my family member and the change was going to be something earth shattering like death.
Yes, we all die but honestly, do we have to? Too many of those close to me are leaving this earth and though I know that I will see them again, it still breaks my heart.
So I took a seat in front of my computer; fully aware that the email I wrote him would be the last. No longer did it seem we were wondering how many precious days he had left on this earth, but how many hours. I didn't want to write to Grandpa for writing to him meant that I was accepting the fact that he was going to leave. And I didn't want to allow that. The last time I saw Grandma and Grandpa was before Courtney was born and I hoped that I would soon see them again.
I felt robbed of my final opportunity to see my wonderful Grandpa and to hug him and let him know how much I loved him. Yes, Heavenly Father knows what best and I know that Grandpa knows I love and appreciate him.
I'm thankful for my Dad for an email he sent where he said:
While it may be hard for us all to realize that we aren't going to have Grandpa with us for much longer, it is comforting to know that none of us have any "making up" to do to Grandpa before he passes on. We have absolutely no regrets for the way we have treated him, because we have all loved him dearly. Not too many families, unfortunately, can say this. Grandpa knows that we all love him and that we look forward to seeing him again after this life is over. He has no regrets either, and is anxious to see his parents again, as well as his younger brother Neil who is six years younger than him, but who passed away in 1954 when he was 16.
What a comfort that email was. I was grateful for the relationship Grandpa and I had and that he knew how much I loved him and never had a reason to think otherwise.
And finally, I gathered strength and wrote my last letter to one of the most amazing people in my life.
Hey Grandpa
I just wanted to let you know how much I love you and wish that we lived closer so I could visit you right now.
Thank you so much for being a wonderful grandparent to me. You and Grandma, as well as Mom and Dad have been excellent examples of the Gospel. I know I've had my times growing up when I've doubted the church; wondered if all the effort put in to attend the long meetings was worth my time if it wasn't even true. I remember telling this to Mom; in tears saying, "I don't even have a testimony of the church," which she replied, "Then you lean on my testimony". Looking back I know that she was inspired to tell me that and I know that if she wasn't raised my "goodly parents" that she wouldn't have been as inspired as she was for all of us kids. Mom means the world to me and I know that my good upbringing and her examples to me are a reflection of the wonderful example you've been to her.
I look back on the day of my Patriarchal blessing with happy memories. Whenever I tell someone that I got my Patriarchal Blessing from my Grandfather they all gasp in awe. How lucky I am, they tell me. How blessed I am to have a Patriarch in the family. How rare that is and what a treat that must be for me to read upon my blessing and know that not only is it from our Heavenly Father, but from my loving Grandpa.
When I hear people say that to me my usual response is, "I am blessed. I have a wonderful Grandpa who is an amazing, cheerful and exceptionally talented person." I love your cheerfulness and how your smile and laughter was contagious.
I remember when you visited us in Mohave Valley and before church started you went up to the stage and played the most delightful music on the piano. I don't remember much but I do remember thinking that, for one, "Grandpa's going to get in trouble" and two, that the music filled the chapel and rolled this beautiful harmony into my ears. After the fear of you getting in trouble wore off--Mom assured me you would be fine, I remember being proud that you were my Grandpa for I had a Grandpa that could play a piano without music to read from like everyone else had to and better than anyone else I know.
I also remember being very little and crawling up onto the kitchen counter only to find myself being instantly removed and scolded by someone for crawling where I shouldn't. I looked to find you to be the scolder. That day I didn't understand why something so--in my young opinion--innocent could bring on such a disciplinary voice from my lovable Grandpa until I heard that you had a brother who was fatally injured from an incident when he crawled on the counter. It was then that I realized that I wasn't being scolded for doing something dumb or for not thinking before my actions but because you loved me. Even to this day when I crawl up on the counter to grab something that's too high or to hang curtains I hear your voice, but it's not scolding; it's has a warm tone to it. I appreciate your love and though I'm one of many, many grandchildren, I've never felt less than anyone and I knew with you, Grandma, David, and my parents that I always had a home in your heart because I was a somebody amidst this world where the average somebody can, at times, mean nobody.
Mom says that you're happy and without pain and I'm grateful for our Heavenly Father for that. We love you and are thinking about you constantly. I check my email hourly just to hear more updates about how you are doing.
Thanks for taking so many photos of us when you and Grandma would visit. It's another cherished memory of mine. Time goes by so fast and little of it we hold close to. What better way to capture even the smallest, most forgetful moments than with a camera? Another way I knew you loved me and the family was the amount of photo albums you had. For if you didn't love us and want to be with us during our every waking minute, would you bother taking so many pictures? Of course you wouldn't. Since then Dad has taken on the same habit and I pray that my children will too appreciate such love in such a small act.
Know that I love you and hold you dear and close to my heart. I wish I could see you and tell you in person of what a strength you have been in my life but for now, this'll do.
I love you.
Love~
Allison